“I just had to see you... please... don’t be mad.” I could hear the voice in my head but the words caught in my throat. I just stood there in front of you. Didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what else to say. I shivered a little in the cold night air. You took a step towards me and ever so slowly, gently, without a word, you put your arms around me and pulled me close. You felt so good in my arms. Warm. Soft. Safe - as you should be. All at once, everything was right with the world. And though we couldn’t see them, I could tell the angels were smiling down on us. We were one. You placed your head on my chest, and I could feel the soft rhythm of our hearts and the warmth of our breaths, echoing in the stillness. A moment in time, perfectly frozen, captured for all eternity. There we stood. Alone. Not a soul in sight, rooted to the cracked pavement outside your house, bathed in the dim ochreous glow of the flickering street lamp. Our shadows gently swaying to the wistful descant in our hearts, even as we stood still, silent, melting into each other.
So many things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you. How empty my life would be without you. How you meant the world to me. The touch of your skin, the scent of your hair, your gentle smile, your lilting laugh, the way you wrinkled your nose and pursed your lips when you couldn’t stay mad at me, your little squirrel kisses and most of all... the way you felt in my arms.
But we just stood there... in silence. I didn’t dare say a word, didn’t want to break the spell. It was perfect. I didn’t want the moment to end.
But it did.
You looked up at me and with a weak smile, whispered,”Take care of yourself.” With that you turned and walked past the gate, into your home, closing the door behind you, never looking back.
Tweetybird came scampering up to the gate, wagging her tail, looking up at me. I knelt down and she licked my face, her droopy eyes gazing deep into my soul, whimpering mournfully. Somehow she knew. We would never see each other again. I finally found my voice, and hugging her, I whispered what I knew all along I needed to say but just couldn’t bring myself to:
“Goodbye.”
copyright 2012 blackcherry media
About Me
- kula
- Ramesh Kula is the author of one of Singapore’s best-selling series of horror books “SOULS”. To date he has sold over 250 000 copies of “SOULS”. Two of his latest titles “SOULS – BACK FROM THE DEAD” and “WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD KAMPONG SPIRIT? – The Graphic Novel” are now available internationally via amazon.com. His first comic story “H.E.L.L.” was published in the 1988 Singapore Festival of Arts Edge of the Fringe publication. He also participated in the 11th Singapore International Film Festival with a short film he wrote and produced, “Lucy – A True Story.” His stories have also appeared in the Straits Times and several overseas publications, notably UDOLPHO, the Gothic Society magazine (London). He is also a lyricist having written and recorded songs and released two CD albums “Ghost” and “Fading From View”. He is currently the managing editor of Blackcherry Media.
I enjoy your multimedia stories of the heart...longing. The animation, the songs, in which some sadden me for my own part in pulling away, realizing later on, that I'm the one who caused their tears. The sadness I carry wondering if there will ever be someone out there feeling that longing for me. The imagery of life phenomenal and creatively fantastic, that of dreams....
ReplyDeleteI love your various expressions of your heart Kula, through song and through your words. In reading chapter four, saying 'goddbye' is the hardest...but to have that opportunity to even finalize it in that way...is a gift. Often, and this is in my life... I don't get that gift... they just seem to disappear and I am left with... the abyss.
But thank God I can stand on the precipice, looking into the abyss, with a great vision of love...and know...I can and will...fly!!!!
Thank you for connecting on a spiritual level and for your transcendent colloquy, Christa. It means a lot. I stand in awe of your artistry, wisdom, sensitivity, kindness, intellect and love. A wise man once said: “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” So here's to new beginnings. All said and done, I feel truly blessed to have been touched by love, if only for a moment. Closest I'll ever get to heaven. You know, someone asked me if I knew things wouldn't work out, would I still have gotten into the relationship? Was the pain worth it? I said, yes. I'd do it all over again, tears and all. Perhaps happily ever afters are for fairy tales; as elusive in life as hunting for the fabled Higgs Boson, deciphering the infinite spiral of Pi or chasing down shadows in the dark. But we never give up, do we? Its what makes us human. As Kahlil Gibran so aptly puts it: "And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course." And so with each goodbye, we keep searching... for THE ONE. *hugs*
DeleteDid you know...we as human beings....thirst for one so open....so honest? Thank you for allowing me and those who are present as well, to connect with your work...and peer into your heart. You are a unique gem to which we all can bathe in its radiance. With love and light...
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